Being Fat

Over the past 8 months I've been on a weight loss programme brought on by a bout of mutual complaining about being fat with a friend while sat in the pub drinking wine and eating baked cheese!

So in September 2006 the same friend and I over ate curry for a week and then joined weight watchers (the curry being so that our weight would fall off in the first week).

So now I find myself in March 50 pounds light and in need of a new wardrobe receiving flattering comments from people I vaguely know and yet my friends who I haven't seen in over 6 months don't notice and don't comment.

This leaves me in a quandary am I still very fat and need to loose more weight or the weight lost wasn't sufficient to make a marked difference!

Football

As the wife's noted this weekend was a sports fest (I won't even mention the glorious rugby score!) with him making his first start for the local church team. As a dutiful wife I left the warmth of the pub with the girlies to go and watch him.

Now as the kind of lass that's grown up watching competitive sport and having enjoyed a tussle of two on a rugby pitch, I'm not adverse to a bit of the old persuasion to your players from the touch line.

What I didn't realise is that a welsh accent can be mistaken for swearing when shouting at the top of your voice at your beloved.

As such I spend a good ten minutes explaining that I'd shouted "Come on Wakers, Commit to it" rather than a slightly more offsensive version.

Perhaps I should just feff and jeff at them as I would do at the North East's favourite loosers!

Road Kill

Why is road kill fluffy? Why is it that the small creatures that end up under your wheels or on the road flat.

Yesterday I ran over a duck, there was nothing I could do about it and I missed his 8 friends but managed to turn him into a mushy duck and potentially fatally injured his mate who remained curled on the road after I'd passed.

Not only did this make me feel nausious but I also felt I needed to explain how it was an accident to anyone I met during the day and try and justify why I remained a good person and how I couldn't have avoided being a murderer. The sad bit is that my whole memory was tied up with the injured duck and the dilema of should I have reversed and killed him outright rather than let him die in pain on the road.

So feeling very sorry for myself (and the ducks) I drove home last night past the spot there I'd hit them, only to find that there was only one duck remaining in the road (there was no way he was getting up!) .

I told the wife with much delight that the mass murder was actually only a single hit and that as the second duck wasn't there then he must have got up and walked off....

"either that or he was dragged off and eaten by a fox. Sleep tight." replied the wife as he turned off the light to go to sleep.

Thanks for those words of comfort!

Weddings

After 8 years together and nearly 4 years living in "marital bliss" (or so he tells me!) the wife and I are now facing those awkward questions from other well minding individuals who feel they need to review our relationship whenever we're out in public!

So after yet another wedding this weekend (and a very nice wedding it was too!) we have jointly and individually fended of the constant stream of "when are you having children?" and worse still "is there a reason why you can't have children?"

Why do people feel that because you're married and don't have children you have some medical issue that causes you not to be able to conceive. Do they never think that you've chosen not to have children at this point in your life and it would mess up your holiday enjoyment and would increase your debt!